Here we go...

I am so super excited. Tomorrow starts the new regimen of running. We, as a family are getting up before Cris leaves for work at 7:15 am to have family prayer together and then he is off and so are we. Hannah will be in the stroller but the rest by my side...Hahaha, Blake will most likely be far ahead of all of us!

I am actually babysitting for a little while so I have one extra right now which is fun! He will be in the stroller with Hannah and they can talk and play together. My life right now is high stress. I seem to be dealing with it extraordinarily well. We are taking Blake to a Behavioral therapist today to see if we need to do other things to help him calm and be healthy. With his high energy, and thrust at life it is hard for me to find time and energy to do much else than chase. I found that by putting him in front of the computer with movies I can clean and work but I dont want a child who is dormant and I dont want ANY of my babies to end up at 39 years old looking down the barrel of a running revolver! Yes, at this point in the plan I see it as a gun shot to my head! Because life is...well, life, adding one more thing is difficult. A young man mentioned in a talk he gave on Sunday at church that we sometimes think we can "take" time to do certain things. He said that we have no right to be "taking" time at all. God is the only one who can make, take , give or remove time from us! We must shuffle our life and rearrange and "find" time in the time given to do all the BEST things in life. My life is filled with good things, some of them are even the better things in life but I need to prioritize in such a way as to fill my life with only the BEST things. Good, better, BEST!

As I sit here writing this, I hear someone spilling a liquid on a floor. I hear Blake "teaching" someone how to make a noise Im unfamiliar with. And Hannah is behind me eating off the floor....I vacuumed a few days ago...Yickes! So I have much more to say but for now it must be farewell. Wish me luck tomorrow morning...maybe I will even see a couple of you out there with me???????? :)

Back in the saddle AGAIN!

Here I am again, in the place I hate the most. The beginning! I took the kids to the park and ended up in the wrong place and taking what I have now termed "suicide hill". I pushed Hannah up the hill with Becca holding on for dear life. At the top I said to myself, "Self- you have just gone past the first part of running that you hate so much....the out of breath part!" So I made the decision to start again on my path to a better me.

Since my last post I ran another 1/2 marathon, took on the hardship of IVF, had success which means pregnancy, had a rough time, was on bed rest and the last 2 weeks before I delivered her I was hospitalized. She was delivered 9 weeks early and spent the next 5 months in the hospital. Became good friends with wonderful people. Brought my little Hanni home, went over the Dr's heads and got her big and healthy on my own. Now that those trials are behind us it is time for me to start over, it seems, on my life goal of health.

So, come with me, join me, watch me, listen to me complain and boast. This is sure to be a once in a lifetime experience for us all!!!!

Tomorrow morning is day one of - lets see how far a fat runner who hasnt run in almost 2yrs can run-many days to come!

wow, it is so beautiful here and the conditions couldn't be better for running. I had stay in bed pain today so I did not get the chance to run but bright and early tomorrow morning I am out there. I started weight watchers today and it is so hard to start off. I forgot and few times and found a few indulgences were harder to give up. I passed on cookies and I passed on ice cream but the pepsi was more than I could take and I partook!!!! AHHH, it was soooooooo nice!
Ok, I will work hard at that one. I made a soup or dinner that was delicious. Lentils, split peas and chicken broth. I added a little alphabet pasta for the children but other than that it was so healthy and so good.
So I had a piece of whole wheat toast
2 pieces of french bread pizza. Each half loaf was cut into 5 pieces.
Almost a 2liter of pepsi
1 1/2 cups soup

This is it for now. Wish me luck on my run tomorrow. And good luck to all of you as well


BYE

Here comes the OFFENDER

So this post will be up for a few days. This, in order to insure most of my readers will see it. I have had some comments from people who read my Blog. They have been negative sarcasm. It is hard for me to hear fat comments from strangers when I am running or just at the store. But this is a place where I open up and write very personal things. So to hear them from people I know read my most intimate thoughts is hurtful, said in any way. I realize I make jokes about myself....I can, I'm the fat one! I also realize that I use sarcasm and comedy to hide my insecurities and self doubts. None of us want other people laughing AT us. If you are truly someone who watches my progress and feels a concern or a kinship because of it, PLEASE keep reading and posting comments. I need and love those of you who have supported me, lifted me, and encouraged me. Those who have smiled when I smile, cry when I cried, felt triumph when I finished the run and hurt with me every time I lengthened my stride. For you, I say, THANK YOU! It is for you that I have a certain amount of accountability. That keeps me going at times when I feel to fail. It is for you I think of all the success WE can attain when we try! It is for you I write when I have gone astray and feel ashamed. It is for you, so You and I can join together and accomplish the impossible!

I struggle, and I fall, I am scared and afraid. I have "Feeble knees". Many of you know of this from the standard works of Scripture. It means weak, without force, easily broken....
Isaiah 35: 3-4 states
3 Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees.
4 Say to them that are fearful of heart, Be strong, Fear not: behold, your God will come..........he will come and save you.

Marvin J Ashton ( a favorite speaker of mine) has this thought:

"How do we deal with the inevitable moments of fear or “feeble knees”? It is vital that we not face them alone. Always it is helpful and comforting to be able to confide in a loving and trusted friend or relative who empathetically listens to our uncertainties. We often find that our confidant has experienced similar fears, and we may even share in his wise counsel.

Life is never easy, and we cannot escape our own case of feeble knees from time to time. It is thus essential that we love and support one another."

I have come to love and need this form of outlet on my journey. As it is a seemingly never ending journey, I rely upon and admire my friends and family who have helped me escape my feeble knees. I can see at times my knees strengthening and I see myself becoming stronger. This because of the uplifting words, the back pats, the "way to go" 's and the encouraging posts.

I hope and pray I have not offended anyone. It was not my intent.

Thanks be to God for healing body and spirit! And for kindness from friends and strangers alike!

God Bless You

Bye

happy sad and everything in between

So I am very proud of myself. I have worked out every day this week.
Yesterday, Wednesday, I was unable to take Cris to work so I did not have a car. This poses a problem when it comes to getting to my workout spot. So I did what I was not sure I had the strength to do....I worked out here at home. I borrowed some weights from my neighbors and went outside (because it was finally beautiful) and did lunges, squats, sprints, running, jumping jacks and weights. Exactly the workout I would have done at church. I was very proud of myself.
Another development in my life is that I decided to take it one step further (I know ( may be pushing my powers) and I am no longer eating after 8pm. Most people say 7 but most people don't go to bed at 11:30 and midnight. Any way I have been able to do this. Last night I had a little celebration for a friends birthday and we were able to finish dinner before 8pm but the cake (brownie) wasn't eaten until almost 9pm. I made everyone a dish with brownie and ice cream (we even had Reese's ice cream, my favorite) and made one for me. It was at this time that I remembered the promise I had made to myself. But it was so tempting AND what would everyone else think? They might be uncomfortable that I wasn't eating with them. They might think I am trying to send them a message that they shouldn't eat it. All this went through my mind at the exact instant that another person came to the gathering. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gave her my bowl and started putting things away. By the time I was done cleaning up everyone was well into their treat. I just stood around and talked with them. Here is the deal: NO ONE noticed!!!! Seriously, no one paid any attention to the fact that I didnt indulge. I felt FANTASTIC!!!!!! So for almost a week I have been able to eat better AND at the right times. I am so happy with my progress. It really is hard to imagine how hard life was for me a year ago. How difficult it was for me to get out of bed, socialize, smile! Smiling was SO hard. I remember forcing them at the right times in the right places. I was so unhappy, things looked so hopeless. Then I was introduced the marvelous world of pain, torture, heat, sweat-EXERCISE! I may not look any different at this point but I feel different and I am a different person. I may one day look back and have to read these entries to even remember the rough times.
On a very sad note: My wonderful sister Robin, who has been my constant, is no longer able to run. She has an IT Band injury and it has become severe. It is painful for her and I know her heart aches to run again. Hopefully someday with lots of prayer and work she will be able to run. It may well be that she never again experiences the joy of crossing a marathon line. I do know this, ANYTHING she does she wins at! She is a hero to many and goes unrecognized most all the time. If I could take her injury from her I would! I wish and pray for nothing more than her most sincere happiness. She introduced me to this very foreign world and was with me in the worst times (that happened a lot) and in the most intensely gratifying moment of my life. Robin, I love you!!!!!!

back in action

So yesterday and today I have done full on painful workouts. One full hour of cardio and weights. 25 minutes of cool down and that adds up to me eating my words. Yes, I AM willing to workout everyday for 1 1/2 hours. I feel good that I am back doing it and I am surprisingly better than I thought I would be. I figured it would be hard to get back into it and it would be doubly painful also. As it turns out I think it is just as painful for everyone else as it is for me. Maybe I will have someone take pictures and I will try to figure out how to download them. The weather is slowly improving so maybe it wont be long before I can be out running on pavement. That is the one downfall is that I am definitely NOT getting in all the running I want. It is probably about 1 mile each day. I think that with the cardio weight workout it will keep me in condition to do my full runs after the weather improves. I could be wrong, heaven knows I'm wrong a lot!
Next week I will be purchasing my own set of 10lb weights and then I will be able to do this at home. Although, I do believe it is better when I go to the church to workout. There are no house distractions there to keep me from the work.
So I am back in the saddle again!~

BYE

(JPEG Image, 1856x2784 pixels) - Scaled (17%)

(JPEG Image, 1856x2784 pixels) - Scaled (17%)

Now THIS is one of the best pictures even if all YOU can see is the bums of Lady's you may not even know! I remember this moment just like I was in the moment. This is the turn to the finish and we knew it and were gaining adrenaline. Not much mind you since we hadn't much left. We were determined to run it as fast as we could! This was a great idea with a slow execution. It was hard in that there were cars with people leaving. Keep in mind some of the people leaving had run the 26.2 miles. Now, not to give the impression we were slow BUT lots of cars past us and I think we saw amazement on some of their faces. As if to say "Were they on the course? did they start late? Why did it take them so long?" Now, one of the cars gave us a big smile and a wave with a thumbs up. This was encouraging to us at this point.
As we rounded the last curve (about 1/8 mile past this picture) Robin makes a brave and necessary move. She crosses the road - - - - WHAT! Yes, any change of movement is startling. I said to her very loudly " what the *@!& are you doing" Sorry but I was out of my ever loving mind! She started laughing at this and that is how we crossed the finish line with huge smiles. Not because we finished a 13.1 miles journey but because the sister who never cusses swore at the very end. Hopefully this is not telling of my entire life!