tough times

I am really having a tough time with this season. It is so incredibly difficult to workout when it is cold. it doesn't help that we have one car (if you can call it that, it is falling apart) and taking Cris to work at 7am with kids in tow is not a fabulous experience. Ah, who am I kidding, I wanted for forever to have children, I am not going to use them as the excuse.
I AM GOING TO WORKOUT TOMORROW MORNING! Rain or snow(most likely) blizzard or sun I am going!
It is going to be so nice when I can start running outside again. I feel yucky these days. I went two days without doing my hair and I don't want to revert back to the old me. It seems the old me keeps peeking through.
I went to register for my next 1/2 marathon thinking that would be a great goal and I got to the site and it is all sold out! Do you believe that? It is May 2 and I had it all worked out. Bummer dude! Now I need another one to run. A lady at church suggested the one in Nashville. They have live music all through the run and a concert after. Of course, it is country music but I like it so that isn't a problem. The problem is, I ran once without my family with me and I really missed out on sharing it with them. I think it would mean more to me and them if they were there to see me finish. So Nashville is out. I am going to keep looking but if you guys see anything good let me know.
Also, as a side note, I went to the Dr with what I thought was strep and so I had to get on the forbidden and worldwide hated scale! So, I am still at the same weight I was in Dec!!!!?????!!!! How is this? I mean I know I don't eat great but I do watch it and try to eat better. I must say that if I am not going to lose weight I cant see any benefit in continuing. I DO NOT want to be the woman who is working out everyday for an hour or two.That isn't me and I have no desire to be that person. I know, I know, it is for my good and it will happen eventually and you are doing great....blah blah blah!
Seriously people, skinny people, you just don't get it! I hate fertility doctors! I hate my Uterus and my ovaries! I hate my glands (although they are "perfect")! I hate jiggly thighs! I hate Swiss cake rolls, the kind in the box and the ones on my sides! I hate coming up with healthy meals! I hate holidays that for all intents and purposes are for candy sales! I hate that I love soda!
YES< I am in a bad mood!! Let me have it! It is mine and I want it! I will say sorry later but for now I hate it all!
I am a fat runner! Do you have any idea how terrible that feels? How hard it is to motivate myself to workout? I watch the tiny little girls(ok women) that workout with me and they have no trouble doing squats and lunges and weights. It is easy for them. Well, it is not easy for me! It sucks and it is hard and I cry when it is over.

This doesn't feel good anymore.

BYE!

What an interesting week this has been. I have been able to workout 3 days this week which is normally not good but for my first week back I think not too bad either. I am aiming for a 5 day workout week coming up starting with Monday. It will help that there is a group of ladies at church that want to get together 2 x a week and do weights and cardio. Yea! I was going to skip cardio with them and just do that at the fitness club but I have been kick out of the fitness club. Yes, my son is too aggressive for the other ladies children. Bubba is aggressive but come on ladies they are boys! Must we hover over them like a mother bird over her chicks? Blake is not used to sharing ( what 2 yr old is???) and so he would take toys and he does like to shove people down when they are not agreeing with him. Does any of this sound unlike a 2 yr old? Oh well, it is for the best. God made another way for me to do what I need to do. So I will workout at church 2x a week and run other times. This week is going to be really nice so I think some out door running is in order. I cant wait to get out there. I am thinking about doing the capital city 1/2 marathon. It is up in the air as of now but it is in the running as a very good possibility. I am really sick and have been stuffed up and runny nose for a few days but other than that I am feeling pretty good. The soreness in my hips are going away but the nature of RA says it will be back. I am once again feeling the benefits of working out. Although I still hate it and dread going to do it, I do love the way it makes me feel and someday the way it will make me look. I am not caught up in appearances but it would be nice to be average. Well, my brother in law sent the pictures so it is in the hands of the USPS. Hopefully Monday the package will arrive. I am as anxious as you seeing as I have not seen them yet either. It will be a big day for us all. BYE

Out with the Funk, In with the sweat

Well, after some time and a lot of silence I am back in the game again. I guess I had been resting at first to recover from the marathon(supposed to be 1 day for every mile you run). But then it just seemed to be too difficult to get out. Kids, headaches, snow and ice all seemed fairly good reasons to lock myself in my house and hibernate. Well, my blogging friends I am out o the funk and back better than ever.
I went running today. Running might be too strong a term to use for what I was doing. Maybe jogging would be better....ANYWAY, I got my heart beat up and slowly took it down and back up. It was a good work out. I ran just over 17 minutes so I am sure I did a mile. The I did some core workout (not nearly enough, but I seem to have forgotten what my sister showed me) and some after run meditation.
Because it is too cold and icy outside to run I ran inside our church in the Cultural Hall/basketball gym. It kind of stunk because it was divided off into 2 sections so I only had a small area to run in. But I did it and I was excited to do it! I hate the way I feel when I am running but I love the after SO much that it is worth it. So I have been struggling with migraines ever since I was sick. Well, they went away for a while and now they are back. So for a couple days I have been mostly in bed with this migraine just trying not to throw up and trying to manage the children with love. I have been able to keep it so that as long as there are no bright lights on and no screaming I can do fairly well. Last night broke it. I went to bed early (this is huge for me) and ended up taking some pretty strong meds in the middle of the night just because I knew I really NEEDED to go today. In order to go workout I have to be able to drive and in order to drive I have to be able to see and in order to see I have to kill the migraine! Well, murder it was not! But, I was able to subdue the symptoms enough to go out. I think something bigger than me doesn't want me to be out there again because my RA kicked in and I could barely walk my hips hurt so bad and my fingers were stiff. But I pushed on and even when I was running and felt like I was getting dizzy and going to pass out I just took it a bit easier and kept going. At one point I looked at the wall and was sure I was going down. But I took a drink and did my walking for a few and I was able to finish. My sis is getting the marathon pictures downloaded tonight I believe so you can see my triumph and power. I must say my core and beeehind are feeling it today....Yippee! BYE

After all that fantastic hard stuff I am in some kind of funky lull. It is -4 degrees below today and I still have not gone to the fitness center to workout. I want to and I know I will feel great once it is done but getting my butt out the door is another thing all together. Cris came home last night and said "I'll watch the kids and take care of things here, you go to the gym and get a good workout." I didnt go! Why, no good reason, I just didnt go. This really sucks because I can feel it pulling me into a place I dont ever want to go again and yet it is like I am so tired I dont have the strength to pull out. I guess I better sign up or another marathon so the goal is in my face.
I saw a marathon in Florida that would be awesome but it is Feb 1 and that is a bit too soon and a bit too far. There is another one in Monteray Bay California in November but it is $1400 per person. YICKES! I'll keep looking....BYE

Stairway to Heaven

it is somewhat difficult to put into words all that happened and how I felt and still feel. I can only say this: this experience has been life affirming and life changing. More of a spiritual journey than I knew. How does one understand the hand of God in an earthly and seemingly plain experience? While in the mountains and on the course I thought I would have lots of thoughts and great insights. This is what I read about and heard people talk about. The thing was, that didn't happen for me! The run was hard and it hurt and was totally uncomfortable. Not only physically but emotionally also. It is hard to watch people who are running further pass you going to the finish while you are still headed to the half way mark. So all the Spiritual stuff was just not there at that time. I have since spent time wondering why! Then I realized that for me the spiritual stuff has taken place over many months. I have learned a sense of value, at any weight! People continuously commented today at church at how good I look. I did look good, but it had more to do with inner than outer. I am not that much smaller than I was a few months ago, but I feel like a much bigger person inside. For me taking this journey gave me something back I lost after my illnesses. I was actually given back in triple quantities my status as a daughter of a Heavenly Father. I know it sounds Corny but I know who I am and I can see Gods plan for me in this journey. I am going to start working out again this week. Tomorrow will be my first hard workout since the run. It will be different for me now. I am not sure exactly how, but it is! My goals are still undetermined but I am more aware of His hand in this and will now look to Him for the path to take. In the mean time I will be working my heart out to take some weight off the muscles and bones that worked so hard for me last week. More for my health now than my looks. I will never be a size 2 or 4 or even 6, it's not about that. I am going to be the Princess I see in the mirror! So as weird as this blog might be, I am going to keep blogging my progress. I am going to keep weight training with intensity now, so I am sure I will have some choice thoughts to share. Please continue reading and supporting me. It is through another that we sometimes see ourselves!
To the run....It was cold! Did I mention that before I wonder? It was 46 degrees with an average 20 mile an hour wind in our face. Most of the marathoners had the wind at their backs when they hit the 1/2 way mark. It took us longer than most so by the time we hit the 1/2 the day was changed and it was hitting us directly at the side. While I was glad not to have the wind in our faces it was so not helpful to have it hitting us sideways. The run was put together well and there were lots of volunteers and helpers. Every 1 1/2 miles there was water available and an odd drink called heet or heat. I never tried it but I did think about it a couple times. Apparently it is an energy drink. I am just not sure how these things will effect me and so I avoided it. Sometimes for me energy things mean a drop in blood sugar and not good things. We were soo tired that trying anything new that might not work was a risk we were unwilling to make. We ate these jelly belly beans that are like GU only in a bean form and much tastier. I owe my sister big for bringing those. I was just going to eat the GU that they provided. Afterwards I tried a little of the GU and it is nasty tasting but more than that the texture is one I DO NOT enjoy. SO big hallelujahs to Robin or that.
I plan to run 2 more 1/2 marathons this year. SO if anyone is interested in running with me I would love it. I think that while this sport is an individual sport it is so much better with friends.
Well, my girls just came up stairs saying that our roof is leaking so I gotta go.

Notes from the mountains

here are the thoughts I had before the run started... It is so gorgeous out here! Clear weather and nice temperature. Lake Mead is glass like and the surrounding mountains seem to invite us into their bosom. I feel a tad nervous for the unknown but as for the run I am confident. I have prepared and I know the promise, run and not be weary, walk and not faint. ( I was really looking forward to this promise and at mile 7 I was clinging to it) I knew that promise applied directly to me. My mood is Serene and calm. It is so beautiful here!

That was about 15 minutes before the run started. 

We got to our hotel after 8pm on January 2nd. robin and I went to check in with the run committee and John checked us into the hotel. It was the Hacienda near Lake Mead. If you NEED a hotel near the Hoover Damn or Lake Mead it will do the job. Robin and I headed for the banquet room and found a few people (not the crowd I expected) waiting to hand out the packets and shirts. We went to the furthest person and she gave us our packets. We asked if we could get our sisters packets as well and she gave them to us. We got our shirts. The guy asked me "what size would you like?" I told him " the largest you have got!" and smiled. He didnt seem to think it was even remotely funny. It was then I realized our shirt sizes were predetermined and it was written on my packet. Oops. Open mouth insert foot. The next table was Calico Racing merchandise for us to purchase. I got 2 small running shirts for my girls. And a bandanna for my son. We the left and went up to our rooms(through the smoky casino) and retired for the night. I found the ice machine on the floor above us(while discovering that casinos dont have a 13th floor because of bad luck) and went back to my room. I got the washcloth and bacterial soap out and washed any surface i knew I would touch. Remote control got washed several times as did the door knob and light fixtures. I removed the comforter (with the cloth) as they generally dont wash these. I laid down drank a ton of ice water, watched tv for a little bit and went to sleep. I slept very soundly! I was not sure I would. Sometimes when I get nervous I dont sleep well but this was not the case. I woke early, packed up as I knew we would not be there after the run, I got dressed and headed to Robins room. We left and went to Lake Mead and were directed to Boulder Beach. What a rush, driving through the canyon to what could either be the best or worst day of my life. There were not as many people there as I expected but that was ok. It was super cold! Robin wore a long sleeved shirt under our aces shirt. John made shirts for all four of us that had our birth order number and our name. on the front were the four aces and above said "allam aces". These were great shirts and perfect to run in. Anyway, I told Robin she would get hot and I wasnt going to wear anything cause I didnt want to be hot. Wow, I should just keep it shut when I have no idea. It was cold cold cold. the wind gusts got up to 20 miles an hour while were running. So before the run started it was pretty cold. I drank some hot water and stretched and used the porta potty. We lined up, I was in the back,  and got ready to start. We met these two sweet gentlemen who were friends that compete against each other every year in a marathon. One was from Texas and the other from a state llike Alabama or thereabouts. They were older and he said they would be slower than most. We laughed and assured him that he would at least be ahead of us. This was more true than we thought.  The run began! immediately I knew I was out of my league. Rolling hills? I dont think so! We started on a hill, I thought "this will be the biggest hill" and the rest will be flatter. NOPE! This was actually the smallest hill and ended up being on I looked forward to for miles. We knew right away that we would be alone in the run. All the other runners )and the one walker) were ahead of us from the start. They only got smaller and smaller in our view. Soon enough after the first mile (which is torture for me)  some of the 10k runners started passing us. Good news, they thought we were in the front of the pack of 10ks. Bad news, we weren't! At the 3 mile marker they would all turn around and go back and we would keep right on going. But for the moment it was nice to have people around with encouraging words and laughter. At one point some of the 10ks started back to the finish and told us to keep going that the wind would be at our backs soon. We just smiled knowing that it would be a long time before the wind was at our backs. As it turned out the wind was NEVER at our backs! Every mile and a half was an aid station. Water was general but on a few there was food and at one a porta potty.

Here I will insert the first funny story. I will warn you that all of my funny stories are, as a general rule, gross! So you have been warned:

About 2 minutes after the start we were both sniffling. Robin asked me if I brought any tissues? I had not so we were both sniffling and knew that at some point we would need to blow. So, a few minutes in I was really needing a tissue. Having small children I have been snotted on in many different places. So I grabbed my sleeve and blew my nose.  It was gross but necessary. Well it want for a moment that I realized that what came out was MUCH more than I expected. It was huge and my sister had to turn away in order not to vomit. So I knew I needed to get it off somehow, But how? We were far from a station and we were in the land of nothingness. So I took the underpart of my shirt and removed the subject from my sleeve. unfortunately, it swung around and hit mu bum. I, of course, did not know that. It was much later that it was noticed and commented on. So, we got to the 1 1/2 mile mark and I asked if anyone had a tissue (I was still in need). The gentleman there went to his car to see if he had any. Meanwhile, one of the ladies had some in her pocket. She offered them and I took them. As I turned away robin said "I dont think she wanted you to take them ALL". I very apologetically gave back most of her tissues and was laughing when the gentleman came up with a box of tissues. So i took some of them also. I was stocked up now, at the time I didnt really need them anymore. We almost entirely forgot about the buggers on my butt until later that day when we had checked into a NICE hotel. I was embarrassed but it WAS funny.

God ran the marathon

After about 7 1/2 miles we were sore, hungry, hot and cold, I had to use the bathroom(badly), and in general we were tired and ready to be finished. We werent talking much but enough that neither of us needed our ipods. A good portion of full marathoners were passing us (which always make you feel GREAT! Not!). One gentleman behind us said "Hi, Rebecca and Robin" and it startled us once again. People kept calling us by our names and it was freaky. It was only after the second person did it early on in the run that we realized we had our names on our backs. So this gentleman said hi to us and we grunted something that could maybe resemble a hi to him and he passed us like the wind. It was then that I noticed something on the back of his shirt. It was a scripture written by Paul the apostle to the Philippians. Philippians 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." ! We said it OVER and OVER. Emphasizing different words to make it sound different. This got us probably another mile and a half at least and made us laugh several times just by the way it sounded. I know resting the scriptures is bad but I think that scripture was placed before us for a reason. That is one of the many stories we have to tell. Miracles