We got to the race sight and everyone was in costumes (almost everyone). So lots of people looked weird. I went into the club house and got my ankle chip so when I crossed the finish line it would process my time. They gave me a glow necklace for safety and safety pins to put my bib on the front of my shirt. We went outside where all the festivities were taking place (and there were a lot of festivities at this event) and walked around and I stretched. We ran into some people from church and it was good to have people there I knew other than family. When time came I went to get in line to start the race. Mom wanted to get a picture of me starting so Dad put me in the front of the pack of runners. This seemed ok at this point but this is one of those things I will never do again. We waited for the race to start and then it did.
It would be a race around a ommunity. They blocked off 3 miles worth of community streets. Because of this throughout the race there were people in the driveways cheering on the runners.
When the race started I was full of stress and anxiety. I started running with the pack. Fast and hard! This was the next thing I will never do again. So, even though I was running faster than I should or have before, people were passing me at a rate of two people per two steps i took. pretty soon I was breathing so hard it hurt and then I was having trouble breathing adn I felt like I didnt want the other runners to know i couldnt breathe well and I was having trouble. I was embarrassed and sad. I was nearly 1/2 mile into the race and wanting to quit. I knew I was not going to finish and that if I did I would be dead last and everyone would be laughing at me. This was so horrible. I was all alone with people running around me seemingly irritated that I was in their way. THen it got worse! People who entered the race as walkers started passing me. Yep, I was in a bad bad place at this point. I had worked so hard and looked forward to this moment and it was terrible. I was sad, frustrated, embarrassed, and SLOW! I started crying. Now when you are running and already breathing too hard crying is a VERY bad thing. I started into a full anxiety attack and close to hyperventilation. People in their driveways were saying things like "good job" and "keep going" and I just knew that they knew I was not doing a good job and that I wouldnt keep going. This I knew also! I tried to put my headset on and listen to my Robinson Crusoe. Yea, right! No can do, my head was too loud for any music or talk. At mile 1 1/2 the majority or runners were passing me in droves. All going back to the finish and I still had a long road ahead of me. I heard the first person through the finish line at 16 minutes. I couldnt get it together. I cam around a corner and there were two volunteer workers to show us the path we needed to take. I asked the woman "am I the last person? is there anyone behind me?" She very kindly said "there are people behind you but it doesnt matter, you are doing great." Again the self destructive talk started in my mind. Pretty soon the people she mentioned that were behind me were passing me also. At about 2 1/2 miles I was trying hard to concentrate on my breathing and steps when all of a sudden out of nowhere a man came running at me....it was my dad. He said hey boo, you are doing good. I thought I would come and give you support and he said a few other things also. At the point he came towards me I went into another anxiety attack. Breathing was labored again and I felt like I was going to die. Dad said, do you want me to leave and I said yes! I knew it was rude but the thought that my dad ran from the finish line even faster than me made me feel like an even bigger loser. He vanished as quickly as he came. I wa glad he didnt stick around to hear my sobs and breathing. I no sooner was in full crying than I passed a home where the parents and one child were sitting in their driveway and they started clapping and cheering really loud. I looked at them and realized there was noone else around and they were clapping for me. I said a quick thanks and tried to pull it together. About 5 minutes later I could see the finish. I could see all the people standing around and I just knew they would all laugh when I came in because they had finished so long before. As I got closer I heard the loud speaker giving out prizes and winnings. Then the man said " Let's stop for a minute and recognize Rebecca Altman coming into the finish. It is her first 5k." At this, everyone started clapping and cheering. I started crying and went under the finish line. I was spent! I was crying! People were coming to me saying good job and congratulations. Then, and this was a huge surprise, they announced the next people finishing the race. I wasnt the last!
People were taking pictures and eating and drinking. There was a party going on around me. They had lots of stuff happening. There was a table with food and drinks and Cris, mom and dad went over. I just wanted to leave. I wanted as far away as I could get. I just wanted out! So we left. I couldnt speak, I didnt want to cry again but I was so upset. We got into the car and I just wanted to go home and hide. Never to run again,never talk to anyone about this horrid night. 30 minutes later as we were driving it dawned on me that 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a fatal illness. I wasnt supposed to live. Then, after they saved my life I wasnt to walk again. Yet, less than 2 years later I was running in a 5k race. At this point I started feeling a bit better.
1 comment:
You're awesome! You finished and weren't the last one. That was my goal when I ran my 5K. You should be super proud. You are far too competitive to think after a few short months of running you should run faster than you did. It is such a huge thing to run that far. I am glad you realized after some time that your accomplishment was great and you should be super proud of yourself. Now it will be fun for you to keep running these and get more used to it and see your time go down. I am so happy for you.
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