kickin butt and takin names

So i know I have not been good about posting my events as of late and I apologize. it has been crazy for me this last week and I am getting back to normal. Well, my normal at least! I am actually CRAVING a good hard long run! I need a workout of some sort. One that will seriously kick my butt! Do you every feel this way? Does it ever seem to you that your body needs to get out there and feel the wind and today the snow? it is hard for me to get started that is true but I am feeling propelled to do something bigger than I have done. Something harder than I have pushed before. I know I am asking for punishment, right? Maybe true, but for some reason I think I need it. So what to do? This is the hard question. After Thanksgiving I went to the 4am sales and bought myself one of those exercise balls. Turns out it is one of the small ones but I am going to use it anyway. Friends came over last night and helped blow it up so I am going to try it today but i have a feeling I wont be able to get the kick butt workout I am looking for......I am applying for a childcare job at a local fitness place in return you get a membership. If this happens how much of a blessing would that be??? they dont have a track but at least I could use a professional treadmill and REALLY workout. I just dont think a person can push themselves as far as someone else can. I mean we tend to quit when were tired or thirsty or distracted. But with other people there to say "dont stop now" it seems you would get to push yourself further. My sister says her trainer does this all the time with her. You dont want to look like a wimp (not that I'm saying this about Robin) or look like you are giving up. So you keep pushing through and pretty soon you have gone further than you thought possible. This is what I am looking to find! Also, I think it is time for me to seriously change my eating habits! No REALLY! I ate ice cream last night, which I normally would enjoy. But I didnt! i was eating because others were eating and that really sucks. I feel yucky today and all backed up and well....yucky! Yes, you did need to know that>>> ha ha ha! So today my goal is to workout harder than I want, push myself further than I can go, and do things I've never done before. Can I do it? Yes, I can! No offense Bob the builder. Pray for me and wish me luck. I have only 28 days until i leave for the marathon....BYE