Help from Heaven

When I went out to run today I was excited to be doing it. It is funny but now I get actually scared. Like I am scared of labor and delivery, it's because of the pain I know is coming. Pain I am purposefully inflicting on myself. So I pushed through the fear and went out to run. Sure enough my outer right ankle started hurting so I stopped to stretch out. I guess it is hard for everyone and I knew going into the run/walk it would be hard. My ankle hurt so bad but I kept going. I passed our starting place and knew I had one more turn around the block and thought about just stopping for the day. The thing is that after I am done running I feel fine. I ice my ankle and it is good for the day. I was around the block and close to the finish and I started crying. I was hurting and yet I was pushing on. It was pretty incredible how the mind CAN control the body. For years I have let my body control and I ate when ever I wanted to instead of just when I needed to. My mom, when I was little, used to say "you should eat to live, not live to eat." I think I may be getting this. As I was nearing my friends house I wanted to slow walk the rest. I said to myself " it would be a warm down, not quiting." But I knew in my heart that it would be quiting the goal I have set. So I said out loud for the world and God to hear " I made it through the miscarriage and through the foster care system to adopt my children and an almost fatal illness--- I CAN DEAL with this!!!" As I got about two driveways close one of my friends started clapping and giving me encouraging shouts. She thought she was annoying but I thought she was an angel sent from heaven. Although directly after our run I went to McDonald's """for the kids""" and got nuggets. I am not going to beat myself up over the nuggets, it was the cheeseburger after that I am hating. The sad thing is that junk never fills me up. So no matter how hungry I am I will not eat until dinner(which will include a big salad). My daughter is here and wants to me spell her name on my blog so ignore this part....Becca. She is so cute and just wants to be involved. So anyway I feel guilty and that can be good because I feel guilty about you guys knowing about it. So this will keep me from doing it in the future. I am so proud of myself, for the first time in my life I am REALLY doing something I want and making sure I see it through. So I must give today a 5 star review and pat myself on the back. Thanks for giving me this outlet to vent and journal this very hard and worthwhile journey. Bye....