Tuesday day ????I have no idea

Today my friend came over to run with me and when she came over I was just out of bed. I had to have one of the kids answer the door cause I was not dressed appropriatly. And I was not ready just yet to run so she just hung out til I was ready. How sweet is that? Ok, so, there is a quote from a book I am reading ("Running with angels" hard book to read but totally worth it.) that goes something like this "running is a lot like life, sometimes you have to keep pushing through the pain". Today was kind of that way. I feel good after the run everyday but during it I feel terrible. I feel so fat and awkward out there running like I know what I am doing. Parts of my body yelling at me to quit, give up, go home. At one point my friend had gone home already and it was me and my son in the stroller and I just had to go to the end of the street and turn around and go home. I wanted to cheat and turn around early. I almost gave in and then thought how I would feel if I did not go the distance (Field of Dreams) so I pushed through the pain. I am glad I did but it seems my own opinion is not enough! What's that about? it only feels ok if someone else sees it and pats my back. How utterly ridiculous is that? I mean, am I not important to myself? do I even deserve all this? Wow, powerful question that I can't answer. Sometimes being fat hurts....just the fact that I'm fat hurts! How did I get here? How am I going to get to another place when it is so hard. My daughter said to me the other day, "hey Mom, that lady is fat like you." She is just young and didn't mean anything by it but even my children see the fat! How can I raise my babies to think it is ok to be this big. To eat when your sad and disappointed, and frustrated, and angry, and happy, and excited..........Whatever, hopefully tomorrows run will feel great and I will begin the journey of healing the pain instead of just enduring it.....Bye