tough times

I am really having a tough time with this season. It is so incredibly difficult to workout when it is cold. it doesn't help that we have one car (if you can call it that, it is falling apart) and taking Cris to work at 7am with kids in tow is not a fabulous experience. Ah, who am I kidding, I wanted for forever to have children, I am not going to use them as the excuse.
I AM GOING TO WORKOUT TOMORROW MORNING! Rain or snow(most likely) blizzard or sun I am going!
It is going to be so nice when I can start running outside again. I feel yucky these days. I went two days without doing my hair and I don't want to revert back to the old me. It seems the old me keeps peeking through.
I went to register for my next 1/2 marathon thinking that would be a great goal and I got to the site and it is all sold out! Do you believe that? It is May 2 and I had it all worked out. Bummer dude! Now I need another one to run. A lady at church suggested the one in Nashville. They have live music all through the run and a concert after. Of course, it is country music but I like it so that isn't a problem. The problem is, I ran once without my family with me and I really missed out on sharing it with them. I think it would mean more to me and them if they were there to see me finish. So Nashville is out. I am going to keep looking but if you guys see anything good let me know.
Also, as a side note, I went to the Dr with what I thought was strep and so I had to get on the forbidden and worldwide hated scale! So, I am still at the same weight I was in Dec!!!!?????!!!! How is this? I mean I know I don't eat great but I do watch it and try to eat better. I must say that if I am not going to lose weight I cant see any benefit in continuing. I DO NOT want to be the woman who is working out everyday for an hour or two.That isn't me and I have no desire to be that person. I know, I know, it is for my good and it will happen eventually and you are doing great....blah blah blah!
Seriously people, skinny people, you just don't get it! I hate fertility doctors! I hate my Uterus and my ovaries! I hate my glands (although they are "perfect")! I hate jiggly thighs! I hate Swiss cake rolls, the kind in the box and the ones on my sides! I hate coming up with healthy meals! I hate holidays that for all intents and purposes are for candy sales! I hate that I love soda!
YES< I am in a bad mood!! Let me have it! It is mine and I want it! I will say sorry later but for now I hate it all!
I am a fat runner! Do you have any idea how terrible that feels? How hard it is to motivate myself to workout? I watch the tiny little girls(ok women) that workout with me and they have no trouble doing squats and lunges and weights. It is easy for them. Well, it is not easy for me! It sucks and it is hard and I cry when it is over.

This doesn't feel good anymore.

BYE!